From the mom of a gifted challenged loved kid that didn’t read until she was 12!

So that would be 7th grade....

Are you wondering what the Lord is doing with YOUR struggling learner?

One day our Middle School daughter came home from a rough day and said 7 words that would change our lives forever “Mama, I want you to homeschool me.” Her desperate plea gripped my heart, she really meant this. The moment her younger sister heard, she chimed in on the chorus, "Homeschool us! Homeschool us! You can do it Mama, homeschool us!" 

As we talked to our friends, they were one unending chorus of doubt and disbelief. “I could never see myself homeschooling, I don’t have the patience” they protested, "and neither do you," they reassured me. Other friends who did homeschool told me I would have to commit to it until graduation, 12 long years away. I was panicked as we began researching this rather weird thing called homeschooling, it seemed all or nothing. Secretly, I agreed with the naysayers and waves of fear overtook me. What had I gotten myself into even thinking about? Patience was not a strong suit in my personality, I had no teaching credentials, wasn’t even sure what I was doing, our families were against it, but our children were crumbling in the well ranked public and private schools they were enrolled in. The safe little world in the good school district that we had tried to create for them wasn’t so safe or good. 

We prayerfully considered homeschooling to finish out that school year, getting to summer, then safely enrolling them in a better private school in the fall. "After all," I reasoned, "I wasn’t cut out for homeschooling." I had just “gotten them both in school” with one in 1st and one in 7th and could “get on with my life” as the others moms reassured me so often. I could follow my own dreams, my plans - get on with what I wanted to do in life, great things for the Lord of course, now that the "hindrance" of having children under foot all day was gone. Why was it that I felt so hollow and empty inside, when they went to school each day? Why was it that I had the nagging feeling that I had bought into someone else's idea of mothering? What did God really want? Wasn't He opening doors for the writing and speaking career I had so longed for? So why stop and try this experiment now? 

Krista was in 7th grade, and had gone from an elementary school were she knew everyone and did well, to a Middle School where she was constantly threatened and bullied by kids who were bused in from all over the area. The innocence of elementary school was gone as she tried to figure out how to navigate adolescence with 1000 other kids, getting pushed around, teased, ridiculed because she started a Christian club on campus and was smart. Daily, she was exposed to a whole new world that we had worked hard to shelter her from. 

Emily was in 1st grade in a private Christian school, after struggling through public kindergarten the year before. Emily was always incredibly bright, had a distinct way of drawing a line in the sand between good and evil and evaluating situations for what they were. We teased her that she was not a lawyer yet, and would have to wait to practice law. Thinking she was brilliant, we were a little puzzled that she was struggling to read, which was not acceptable in the school she was in. We figured she would get it by the end of 1st grade, and be able to read a newspaper cover to cover like her big sister, so we weren't worried. She was bright, piece of cake. Yet slowly each day, this formerly happy, intuitive, delightful child withdrew until she would come home and suck her thumb for hours. We later found out that her teacher let her know that she didn't measure up, that she was a 6 year old private school failure, not wanted in her class and she allowed the other kids to tease Emily. Both of our girls were falling apart at the seams, yet the doubts and questions swirled through my mind, along with the fiery darts of the enemy. Could this homeschooling thing really work? Was this the obedience that the Lord required at this point? Would He equip us and carry us through? 

Within a few weeks, we buckled our seatbelts for an exciting and wild journey, and knew it was precisely where the Lord wanted our family. We were hooked! The fear did not immediately go away, but we decided to wholeheartedly enjoy this new adventure. The whole family jumped in with both feet, originally pursuing a Classical model of education, excited to use the leather bound Great Books we had purchased. Classical tempered into Charlotte Mason, which matched our family better, which has trickled into an eclectic lifestyle of learning, with an entrepreneurial bent. 

Dad began reading books to the whole family, wonderful, life changing classics, Lamplighter books that inspired us in our walk with the Lord, treasures from times past, missionary stories, tales of heroes and heroines. We studied scripture and world view together, learned how to inductively study the Bible through Precept Ministries and dissected science experiments on our back porch. We visited museums, sketching rose gardens and famous paintings, quietly laughing to ourselves when people thought us artists. We were just experimenting! While painting the fence, we wrote Emily’s phonics lessons on it, then painted over it while memorizing the Presidents to songs on tape. The girls were an integral part of our computer consulting business, learning public relations, and marketing skills, along with accounting and taxes. We worked on political campaigns with a fervor, and helped get President Bush elected twice. Life went from “I” to “we” and has never gone back. Our natural bent to teach our children grew and blossomed, everything in our lives, both good and bad, was part of our educational stage. Life is one gigantic adventure that you can only share with your kids when you educate them at home! Homeschooling has knit our hearts together and been the most exciting thing we have ever done as a family, beyond accepting the Lord! 

Yet all was not a bed of roses tied with a silver bow. Emily ended first grade not reading, even though we had gotten an expensive phonics program full of bells and whistles and followed it perfectly. She also struggled with math. Second grade came, and I invested in another phonics program with a classical flavor, that was more serious and less silly, and just as pricey, figuring that would help her to read, after all she was a more serious child. That didn’t seem to be working so I bought flash cards, games, readers, books, programs, more books, teaching helps. Krista worked on flash cards with her, thinking that might help. We had her evaluated by one of those pricey tutoring services, and had no peace about taking her there. We would go over phonics and she would curl up in a ball in fear and suck her thumb. How could we get through to her? I had to fight the rage that welled up within me at her 1^st grade teacher, we had paid good money for this woman to terrorize our child. Daily we asked the Lord to open up reading for Emily, daily I begged for answers, for a program, for something to help my bright child read. 

When your child cannot read, you are their advocate, and you must run interference with AWANA and Sunday school teachers, choir leaders, co-op classes, and so much more. Relatives can be the worst, inspiring insecurity and panic, making visits impossible. As parents, you have to pave the way for your child to be in a setting with others, and not be made fun of. You have to protect the fragile progress in your child’s life. This includes play days, when a hastily scribbled script is shoved into your unreading child’s hands, and she once again has to admit that she cannot read. Holiday gatherings and family reunions simmer with dread. The inability to read is like a constant ticking reality, ever present, always looming, forever separating your child. They cannot help but feel like an abject failure after years of trying, and so do you. Despite this, your job is to love and reassure them, and never give up and to keep seeking the throne of grace for what you are to do. Manna for that day, grace for the moment, and the courage to persevere. Like the Lord commanded Joshua as he faced the promised land, “Only be strong and very courageous” he admonished, as He commanded Joshua to move forward with the stiff necked, grumbling Israelites. And so can we be, stiff necked, grumbling homeschool mamas, when life is not going our way and when teaching is hard and our child doesn’t get it. 

Your job is also to find the hidden pathways into your child’s brain. This took many forms in our home. Undeterred since the first weeks of homeschooling, we had already purposed to build her brain and Emily lived on a steady diet of books on tape. Her favorites, listening to her Bible and Pilgrim’s Progress. Over and over, dozens, probably hundreds of times, she would listen to the words of both books. She could not read them, but she could still be filled with their life giving words. We would guide her through choices at the library. While other kids were happily reading mindless readers, Emily pondered whether she wanted to listen to Abraham Lincoln’s Speeches on tape, Shakespeare, our pastor preaching or a history CD. We filled our home with audio books and made sure that she was surrounded by a sea of wonderful words, building her mind and imagination and vocabulary, whether she could read them or not, in every area of learning. We talked to her, read to her and constantly filled her mind with things far above her reading level. We built her mind and challenged her continuously and did not hold her back to her reading level.

In third grade we bought more phonics programs, and more books, THIS would be the year that Emily would learn to read. I read Raymond Moore, the Bluedorns and Ruth Beechick and everything I could get my hands on. She was just a late bloomer, I reasoned. My mother, who had worked for the school district for over 25 years, began to nag me that Emily could not read and we needed to enroll her in school. We struggled through the Bob Books, the only thing she could read. I would tell her over and over that the Lord wanted her to read HIS perfect word, and that there would be a day when she could read. 

Fourth grade began, and she still could not read and math was not coming along either, but she was very smart in history and could understand concepts scripturally that many adults cannot. As the assurances of the experts we kept reading about faded, we tried other avenues. We poured more money into the problem, a $100 phonics game that guaranteed to teach children to read, and dug out Phonics Pathways and How to Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons for another go. What did it mean easy – teaching Emily to read was becoming a nightmare. We had dozens of books on tape, with the corresponding reader and even bought half a dozen chapter books that might help if she would look at the text while she listened. We checked out books weekly at the library.

In fourth grade, we took Emily to a specialist. She was diagnosed with perceptual motor difficulties. We were given a set of exercises to do with her twice a day. They were developed to help fighter pilots respond quickly as they flew. Like everything else we tried, we approached it with enthusiasm and verve, doing the exercises daily. I bought another expensive math program, shelling out another $400 and starting at kindergarten math in a different way. She could not do it. She ended fourth grade in the Bob Books and kindergarten math, the exercises did not really make a dent. Everyone we knew looked cross eyed at us and whispered behind our backs. Surely, there was no bigger failure of a homeschool mom than I was. 

We radically changed our family’s diet, pulling out all chemicals and additives, switching to stone ground whole wheat and a mainly organic diet. We would eat for brain support and energy. Emily began a diet of salmon and fish, which she did not particularly care for, and swallowed fish oil (we called them roly poly fish oil capsules). Embracing Dianne Crafts suggestions in “The Biology of Behavior” we tried nutritional support, adding lecithin and probiotics. We tried herbal medicine, homeopathy, amino acids and more. We tried allergy and rotation diets, after learning about the Feingold Diet and Doris Rapp. What was interfering with her reading? 

In church, we were studying the book of Ecclesiastes. We clung to the words in Ecc 3:1 “There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven.” There was even a time for Emily to read, but when was it Lord? Couldn’t you let this little girl read? We continued to pray and trust the Lord, but doubts flickered through us and the reality that I had been trying to teach my child to read unsuccessfully for years, hung over me. Some homeschool teacher I was turning out to be. Despite that, I reassured her continuously that there would be a day that she would read. In her little girl mind, she clung to those words, and clung to the Lord who had made her. 

Homeschooling and having Daddy read out loud ignited our passion for history. We explored living history sites, dressed up and this eventually led us to a Civil War reenactment. At the roar of the first cannon shot, the smoke from the first volley of rifles, we were hooked, and became living historians. We sewed an entire 19^th century wardrobe, the girls learned the handcrafts of the era, studied Darwin (a new book in the 1860’s) and created a defense for the faith, and we began living in a canvas tent one weekend a month at reenactments all over Southern California. Our girls hung out with Generals Robert E. Lee and Ulysses S. Grant, and had dinner with Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain. We made quilts, learned to knit, sew by hand, cross stitch and crochet. Always entrepreneurial, Emily created a business selling our famous cranberry cake at events, and began a savings account for her horse that grew each weekend we were out. We attended classes, history lectures, met authors and eventually, had the opportunity to do living history presentations, teaching public school children what it was like for families in the war. The dyslexic kid who could not read, and the failure homeschool mother, teaching the public. 

Fifth grade melted into sixth grade and she still could not read. More specialists, more diagnosis, more eye tests, glasses, surely that would be the ticket. We dragged her to CHEA, our state homeschool convention and traipsed through every booth for learning disabled children there. By that time, we realized that Emily was very wise in what would or would not help her, after trying so many strategies, programs, specialists and things. She could not handle the roller coaster of false hopes. She had an innate sense of what would work and what would not. Perhaps the colored overlays would help? We grasped for every straw out there, invested in every program, spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to help Emily read and learn basic math. She had graduated up to a 1^st grade reader. We discovered that she could do math as long as it was entrepreneurial and she was selling something or thinking about money. She could not do it on paper, but she could do it in her mind. After one last evaluation, she was diagnosed with more fancy terms. It was suggested we try a few more programs, then we would have to go with the big guns. Desperate, we considered a program that we were told would be about $25,000, a last ditch effort that some had mortgaged their home to do, and found successful. If she could not read by the end of 6^th, we would look into it. 

Early in 6^th grade, we moved from across the country. We had initially thought this would be easier on her, but quickly realized that the folks back home knew she had struggles, now I would have to explain to the new people in our lives that she could not read. 6^th grade came and went, and still she could not read. I decided to give up on phonics, we had tried a dozen programs, I had taught it till neither of us could stand it and she was still not retaining it. I kept telling her that one day, she would read, that God had appointed a time and it was still coming. She would cross that magical bridge and a whole new world would open up. 

In the fall of 7^th grade, Emily got bored one day. She picked up a book and read it through. She came and told me. I was skeptical, but asked her to read for me. Faltering, and hesitant, she began to read from an American Girl book, Meet Kiersten. Then her beloved Billy and Blaze books, then every 1^st, 2^nd and Step Up Reader we had, and began devouring chapter books. I put all life on hold for a month and let her read, read, read to her hearts content. Indescribable joy filled her life, as she raced from one book to the next. She was 12 and having the time of her. Before long, she was reading Pride and Prejudice, stumbling through, but reading it nonetheless. She found out that her Mama was right, God had appointed a time and place for her to read and suddenly, this unknown world was at her fingertips. 

Right when life was working out and Emily could finally read, the temptation to push came and halted all progress. Listening to an authoritarian friend who had graduated two sons into college, she said I needed to do all school now, to catch up. Another mom agreed. So, I took the long hours of freedom to read away and had her start on school again, all subjects. This dampened her insatiable enthusiasm for reading, and she began to falter again, and completely stopped reading. The flame died as soon as it was lit. How would I ever light it again? 

We prayed and decided to back off on school and let her read. Jan Bloom talks about the mountain of words that a child must read to develop literacy, about 10,000 pages. Emily needed freedom to read, now that the key had finally been unlocked, a time to read freely, without trying to merely get through the other subjects. Homeschooling gave her that ability. A year and a half later, she adores reading, is still incredibly bright, with reading skills that are catching up to her intelligence. Math is still a struggle. Yet she is confident and has a plan for what the Lord is doing in her life, has dreams and understands that life is rarely easy, but is worth fighting for. 

I cannot help but wonder where she would be now, if her big sissie had not begged us to homeschool them. Emily would have been in special ed, fed worksheets and drivel, no one ever igniting the fire of learning in her mind. She would have traipsed through dulled down classes, with no one ever believing in her, no one telling her what great things the Lord had planned in her life. She would have been locked into science, history, or worse social studies at a level that was equivalent to her reading. She would be a shadow of the young woman she is today. 

Eight years later, we can look back on the Lord’s absolutely faithfulness. There have been many struggles, days we felt like quitting, situations that overwhelmed us, but He was always there. What He calls us to do, He is faithful to equip us to complete in a myriad of ways. It may just be manna for the day, or it may be a miraculous change of heart. If you call out to Him, faithfully trusting, He will be there every step of the way for you, guiding and nurturing His own. He wants relationship with us, to wrap His lovingkindness around our hearts, to still our minds from the fears, to quiet our souls. He perfectly models the relationship we are to build with our own children, and homeschooling gives us the freedom to pursue it. 

Copyright 2008 

By Lisa Baughn of www.ThePrudentWife.com

NO part of this article may be reproduced, emailed, forwarded or blogged without the author's permission

When we first began homeschooling, it was because our kids had requested it. Krista was a bright student who did well academically in 7^th grade in public school but struggled socially, Emily was in 1^st grade in a private Christian school and not doing well. We lived in a small town in Southern California, had a computer consulting business and were active in our church, just going about life. When Krista asked us to homeschool her, it was a shock, but we agreed to pray about it and research it. Quickly realized it was what both girls wanted and needed and the Lord was opening up doors to try it. We did not have a clue what we were doing, doubts and questions about scared me off, but it seemed to be the obedience. And one thing we do is always try and find the obedience, what the Lord wants from us, in every situation.